The Greatest Gift

A received a really great book from the childcare workers at church for Christmas. It's about all the neat gifts we might receive for Christmas, but how the greatest gift of all is Jesus, who came to take away all our sin. It's an excellent little book and we've been reading it each night before bed.

This led me to a similar story in one of my favorite books, The Valley of Vision. It is a collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions which I believe I referenced at one time previously. Here's a wonderful exerpt to share with you about the Greatest Gift of all, Jesus.

O Source of all good,
What shall I render to thee for the gift of gifts,
thine own dear Son, begotten, not created,
my redeemer, proxy, surety, substitute,
his self-emptying incomprehensible,
his infinitely of love beyond the heart's grasp.
Herein is the wonder of wonders:
he came below to raise me above,
was born like me that I might become like him.
Herein is love;
when I cannot rise to him he draws near on wings of grace,
to raise me to himself.
Herein is power;
when Deity and humanity were infinitely apart
he united them in indissoluble unity, the uncreate and the created.
Herein is wisdom;
when I was undone, with no will to return to him,
and no intellect to devise recovery,
he came, God-incarnate, to save me to the uttermost,
as man to die my death,
to shed satisfying blood on my behalf,
to work out a perfect righteousness for me.
O God, take me in spirit to the watchful shepherds, and
enlarge my mind;
let me hear good tidings of great joy,
and hearing, believe, rejoice, praise, adore,
my conscience bathed in an ocean of repose,
my eyes lifted up to a reconciled Father;
place me with ox, ass, camel, goat,
to look with them upon my redeemer's face,
and in him account myself delivered from sin;
let me with Simeon clasp with new-born child to my heart,
embrace him with undying faith,
exulting that he is mine and I am his.
In him though hast given me so much that heaven can give me no more.

Mindless Mentality

This past week while not feeling well, I was forced to rest in bed. My mentality was not at its sharpest, so it was nice to mindlessly watch some television. And while some of that was nice, I couldn’t afford to watch mindlessly.

Viewing a Christmas movie, totally dazed and comforted with blankets, snug as a bug, was enjoyable. However watching some other things was quite alarming. We don’t watch television very often. We usually turn it on for a few minutes in the morning for the news, and then if there is a good program on in the late evening we’ll give it a watch. So, to be exposed to all the daytime chat, the who’s who in Hollywood, and the latest televangelists was truly eye-opening.

I was really thankful for a great Pastor when I came across one show in particular. A pastor was attempting to answer the question, “Why does God not answer our prayers?” Great question and I’m sure he had many listeners. Who doesn’t at one time or another ask that question? He went on to answer it with “Because of sin.” He quoted a familiar verse and I agree that sin can be a hindrance to prayer. However, this man took a very different approach when we began reading a story about the Israelites, inferring that we are like them and God can not hear us because of our sin. He said that we need to be doing good things to continue to be in right relationship with Him so He can hear us. And, he went so far as to say that when we do that, just like He blessed the Israelites with crops and fertility, He will bless us. He said, “You know that house you want, or maybe that car or job… He’ll give that to you when you walk in obedience. That’s His blessing on you.” Really?

The thing that troubled me beyond the personal prosperity message and trying to encourage people to obey for selfish reasons is that we aren’t the Israelites. The Israelites were part of a conditional covenant. God’s relationship with them was dependant on their obedience. But, as believers in Christ today, we are part of a new covenant that is everlasting because of Jesus’ work on the cross. It’s not dependant on our obedience but on what Christ has done to pay for the penalty of our sin. And, He’s come to offer forgiveness, grace, freedom, and truth, not a better house or car. I’m not saying that He can’t provide those things for us. I think He can. He certainly cared for us in making provision for our car when ours was totaled. He faithfully provided a new job for S that very same day. He is so tremendously good in caring for us. But, our trust is not in that “better” thing. It’s trusting in the work of Christ and the wisdom and character of God.

I can recall a moment a few years ago when we were going through a rather rough patch of sin and hardship. I was often puzzled at the fact that God continued to use us in situations. Granted, there were areas where we saw definite consequences for sin and still do to this day, but we also continued to be graciously used by God in the lives of others. A friend said to us at that time, “Christ is greater than your sin. Do you really think that He can’t use you in the midst of it?” He came to save us because of His great love in light of our sin. We needed a Savior. And, yet even after salvation, who among us can say we are good or righteous? Apart from Christ, we are and have nothing. It is all His work. So, isn’t it also His continued work that can use our redeemed souls in light of our continued fight with sin?

As I said, sin has consequences. It can hinder our prayers and relationships. But, let us dare not say that our purpose for choosing obedience is to be materially blessed. Our purpose in desiring obedience is to honor God, to show gratitude for salvation, and to live a life worthy of our calling in Christ.

All these thoughts from a sick one... so thankful God’s Spirit is strong in our weakness!

Words Are So Fun

Well, it's been a humbling couple weeks with an ugly flu bug rearing its head in our home, but I think we're now on the mend. We pray so. I have so many budding blog ideas, but for now I'll leave you with a few simple funnies.

Our home is now filled with the glorious sounds of our little one! A is growing in her vocabulary and it's a total joy! She has the funniest sense of humor. For instance, when we sit down for meals she's used to us saying, "Ok, let's wait till we all sit down and pray before touching our food." So, now she laughs when we sit down and says, "Wa-wa-wa-WAIT, Baby!" We all laugh!

Today we were at the store purchasing some shipping supplies to mail a package and I pulled Bubble Wrap off the shelf. A said, "Bubbles-- Yeah Baby!" LOL.

She can practically repeat anything these days and it's so fun to hear her voice as she learns more about connecting thoughts and concepts into words. It's so nice to have more tangible communication as well.

The funniest thing that gets us every time is Orange Juice. We serve it just with breakfast. She gets the biggest kick out of asking for it at lunch and dinner. She says, "Orange Juish?" And then she laughs hysterically. We respond, "You silly girl, we have Orange Juice and breakfast!" And we all laugh.

It's fun and we're enjoying every minute. :-)

More to come soon!

Peace or Prosperity

I have a very heaven-minded husband. He longs to be in the presence of the Lord and would often much rather be there than here. When we first started dating and even upon engagement and marriage, I did not understand his way of thinking. In times of Scripture memorization, I often questioned the verses, “Who have I in heaven but you? And beside You I desire nothing on earth” or “To depart and be with Christ is much better, but for your sake I remain.” I fully and readily admit that I felt quite at home here, and in a sense my love for S may have felt more tangible and reciprocal than my love with Christ.

But through these last few years, my heart and hunger for Heaven have increased. My passion to share with the lost has more deeply developed. My love for the Lord has reached the heights because I know this world has nothing to offer me.

I don’t mean this in a fatalistic sort of way. I believe we should be taking advantage of opportunities, serving the Lord and each other well, enjoying the blessings He has given us here, but our HOPE, our JOY, our TRUST, our PURPOSE should not be here. It should be found in the person of Christ and in His promises.

I’ve been reading a book entitled Stepping Heavenward by E. Prentiss. It’s a journal of a woman’s journey to godliness. The main character, Kate faces many hardships in life: her father dies when she is still a child, upon marriage her husband is often away and she is left with a household of critical observers, her son dies, and she faces much illness. Here are quotes near the end of her journal:

“And I can see now, what I wonder I did not see at the time, that God was dealing very kindly and wisely with me…” (256)

“But I see more and more that happiness is not dependent on health or any other outside prosperity. We are at peace with each other and at peace with God; His dealings with us do not perplex or puzzle us, though we do not pretend to understand them” (257).

“God’s ways are infinitely perfect; we are to love Him for what He is and therefore equally as much when He afflicts as when He prospers us; there is no real happiness but in doing and suffering His will; and that this life is but a scene of probation through which we pass to the real life above” (258).

There is a great temptation in American today to believe the lie that God exists to prosper us and that is when we are truly blessed. John Piper does a wonderful job of sharing that God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him through suffering. Please watch this excellent video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEZGDFKI6LE

God is our strength in weakness. He is glorified in us when we praise Him through hardship. He is our glorified when we’re content to not compare. He is glorified when our hearts don’t long for more outside Him. He is glorified when everything around us fails and we fix our eyes on Him. May He be glorified in us today.

Chartreuse and the Sillies

A is really enjoying her recent discovery of new words. She loves when we open the fridge and she can say Ed (for bread), Ess (for eggs), Orange (for Orange Juice), Apes (for grapes), and Mom (for milk). All of these make me laugh for one reason or another.

A seems to have certain words that make her laugh hysterically, and she holds on to them for days. She finds a word that's funny to her and wants to say it or have it said to her constantly. When we were in NC the word was Couscous. Aunt D made us couscous with our dinner one evening. We placed A's plate before her and said, "This is couscous". She laughed SO hard and within a second, we were all laughing.

Once back from NC, she started to say "Doree" and laughed every time I said it back to her. We think it could be a combination of things: 1.) Her middle name is Doreen. 2.) Her Aunt's name is Doreen. 3.) She has a doll named Dora. 4.) One of her first words was door and adding the "eee" sound made it all the more fun!

The other day we were walking through the market and A must have said "Doree" a thousand times, consistently cracking up each time. Now, don't get me wrong -- Doree is still a HUGE hit, but this afternoon we discovered a new word of hilarity: Chartreuse. It's a color that is in the middle of yellow and green. We heard it on Blue's Clues and as soon as it rolled off Joe's tongue, she looked at me and smiled. I said, "Chartreuse?!" And she laughed harder! I knew it would be our new word of sillies. We were saying it all through dinner and all three of us were laughing hysterically.

Life is just so fun with our little one! And all the more fun with words.

Anywhere But Nineveh

There’s a particular story in Scripture that strikes a chord in me. It’s the story found in Jonah 1-4. God was calling Jonah to a people that were running far away from Him, and what did Jonah decide to do? Run far away from God. I can not help but laugh when I read Sally Lloyd-Jones’ interpretation of Jonah in this paragraph:

“It was a silly plan. (Because you can run away from God, but He will always come to find you.)
Jonah went ahead with his not-very-good plan. ‘One ticket to NOT Nineveh, please!’ he said and boarded a boat sailing in the very opposite direction of Nineveh.” (The Jesus Storybook Bible: Every story whispers His name)

Isn’t that how we are? I’ll follow you here in this particular situation I prefer, but not there. Anywhere but there. But, that’s exactly where Jonah ends up at the end of the story.

This is amazing. God called Jonah to Nineveh knowing that Jonah would run, and it was his running that gave him such a testimony before the people. He had run far from God, and God forgave him and continued to use him. When Jonah shared his story with the people of Nineveh, they turned to God and loved Him, too.
This story causes me to reflect on God’s sovereignty and great love for His people. It also reminds me that there is purpose in all that we face, even the thorns in our flesh. God ordains the thorns and uses them for His glory, and can use our running, too.

I think of the many poor decisions that live in the past; the ways we could’ve chosen obedience and chose the opposite. Sometimes the consequences of sin can almost seem to outweigh the fruits of obedience. But, it’s not as it appears. In fact, I’ve come to realize that even our disobedience can be used of God when we’ve come to Him in repentance and trust in His work on the cross. In fact, He can turn it into something very beautiful, something redeemable, and something that not only draws people to Himself, but draws us closer to Him.

I think before we question the circumstances God places us in, or even what He seems to call us to, we should thank Him. He really does know what He’s doing. It’s as if my fear of the what-if’s has now left me. And they’re not hidden in my closet; instead, they’re freed in the truth I’ve found in Christ. I know that whatever comes my way has purpose. He knows. He will not leave for forsake me. He is good. The sins of today and tomorrow are covered by His blood and redeemed for His glory. Praise God.

I desire to follow Him to Nineveh, and I’m thankful for what He takes me through to get there.

The Valley of Vision

I can't read this prayer enough. It's found in "The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions".

"Let me learn by paradox
that the way down is the way up,
that to be low is to be high,
that the broken heart is the healed heart,
that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,
that the repenting soul is the rejoicing soul,
that to have nothing is to possess all,
that to bear the cross is to wear the crown,
that to give is to receive,
that the valley is the place of vision.
Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from the deepest wells,
and the deeper the wells the brighter the stars shine;
Let me find thy in the darkness,
thy life in my death,
thy joy in my sorrow,
thy grace in my sin,
thy riches in my poverty,
thy glory in my valley.

Sloppy Spirituality

I feel sloppy this week. Clothes dishevelled, hair a mess, gaze elsewhere. It's as if I can't quite formulate my thoughts to make sense out loud.

Sometimes the appeal of the things of this world can be pretty powerful. It's easy to get sloppy in our spirituality, or better-said, in our pursuit of holiness. And, it's not always that we're not spending time in His Word, but our heart and mind may not be in it when we are. I had many days this past week when I sat with His Word open before me, and my heart was captivated by other things. I was even placing my hope in those things. And yet He calls me to trust and place my hope in the fact that He IS reality and all His promies of past and future, are true.

I had a friend a few months ago take me aside and say with tears in her eyes, "There are many ways to spend your time, and many of those ways are not bad in themselves. They can be very good things. But, don't do them at cost of losing sight of Him. He's jealous for you. He desires that you spend time with Him." I'm thankful for those words returning to me this week.

There are so many "good" things that can draw us away from Him, subtly requiring worship, and I am easily captivated by them. And, yet we are challenged to not have any gods before Him.

My sloppiness is in direct correlation to knowing His Word. I attended Bible College years ago and in that setting felt sharp, challenged, knowledgeable. I could quote Scripture left and right because I spent a large portion of my day in His Word, and if not through personal study, in classes. I rarely had a moment apart from it. This is not to say that the same temptation did not exist then, but I am even more challenged today to STUDY, to learn and to grow.

Sometimes I feel as if I've been cursed with a faulty memory. I remember many of things I wish I wouldn't: wrongs done to me, faults of others, painful experiences, and yet I struggle to have a wealth of Scripture committed to memory. Yes, we are part of this world and living in it means experiencing pain, sin, regrets, etc. Yet I don't want to excuse Scripture memorization because I'm not good at memorizing. I know for a fact that the more I quote Scripture to my daughter, the more I remember it myself. I want to speak more out loud. I want Scripture to be a part of my daily vocabulary. I do not want to be spiritually sloppy.

I was challenged on Sunday morning by a statement made in class, "It's foolish to expect the Holy Spirit to give you words to speak in situation when there's nothing in your heart to draw upon." I want a storehouse of verses, a wealth of truth for Him to draw upon.

On a totally different note: ;) I've been realizing what God is calling me to right now, beyond obedience and holiness. For so long, we had planned on living and serving overseas. In a sense, I was not nervous at all to communicate truth in another context and culture. I was eager to learn that culture and speak truth in that context in a way that could be understood. The challenge to me now is doing that here, in my own culture. Sometimes it's easy to think of how very different we are from our culture. It's as simple as being in a setting of unbelievers and realizing how very differently you view the conversation or topic at hand. And, people notice this. And, yet at the same time, we are LIGHT and we are a FRAGRANCE of Christ to those who are perishing. I've been challenged this week that as different as we are, we are still also similar. We speak the same language, live in the same area, face many similar situations, and all deep down-- are sinners. I think that alone causes us to be a little more gracious and to want to extend that truth and grace to those who do not know it.

All this to say, I want to store up His truth in my heart and mind so that I can honor Him in each opportunity presented to me, but also so I can honor Him in how I think and live.

I'm off to comb my hair and fix my gaze upon the Lord, Jesus Christ.

Visit to Mom

My mother has Alzheimer's. She was diagnosed in 2000, the year before I graduated college. It was a very emotional time, especially those early years. I have endless journal entries telling the story of her illness from before diagnosis to current day, the many things I miss and grieve, and the precious memories and praises.

A and I went to visit Mom today, but we were not seen by her. We were in front of her, shared a meal, walked the gardens, but perhaps never really signed in at the desk, for she did not notice us.

I looked at some photos this evening of a visit we had with Mom when A was about 8 months old, a little over a year ago. It was an entirely different experience. Mom reached for my girl, and she reached for me. We smiled. It broke me this evening to look at those photos. I miss simply being noticed. I miss being seen.

It's strange to survey a room of seniors to realize that my 20 month old is more advanced developmentally. The same woman who taught me how to hold a spoon and fork is now fed by another's hands. And, there A sits feeding herself. I've taught her what Mom taught me, and yet I don't feel as if A knows Mom. My little lovey stares at her Mammie almost wondering what's going on. It struck me so strongly today that it is my responsibility to teach my little girl about my amazing Mom. I want her to know her through my stories. I must be attentive to this. Her legacy is too precious to stop being told.

I kissed her when we left. A hugged her. And, tonight, I just really miss her. And, I know that a great deal of the heart I have as a mother came from what I received from her.

I love you, Mom. I think the hardest I ever cried was the night we took you from my childhood home to your new home. Who would ever imagined all that has taken place? And, yet nothing is hidden from the Lord, and in your dark room tonight as you sleep, His presence is with you. His provision, protection, and promise remains true for you. I pray His comfort is ever in your mind and heart. I long for the day you are fully restored to Him. And, one day, we'll catch up there. Till then, I'll keep loving you here, and praying you through.

The Recipe for Laundry Soap

This is from the website: http://tipnut.com/10-homemade-laundry-soap-detergent-recipes/, with notes from my friend, Jenny. Happy laundering! :-)

Powdered Laundry Detergent - Recipe #4
2 Soap (finely grated)
1 cup Washing Soda
1 cup Borax
Mix well and store in an airtight plastic container.
Use 2 tablespoons per full load.

Additional tips from Jenny:

- I grate my soap using a cheese grater, then put it in a food processor to get it finer.

-I found a little tablespoon measuring tin cup (looks like a shot glass) -- which most hold about 4 tablespoons, so you use just 1/2 of it for each load (2 tablespoons), some more for very soiled loads. Just put the small glass in your container to act as the scoop!

-There will be nooooo suds! Bubbles don't do the work, it's the ingredients in the powder!

-Put the powder in the washer before you put your laundry in it, so that the soap dissolves, you can put some warm/hot water in it to make it work faster, then use cold in the rest of the washer to save more money!

-Call your local markets before shopping for the ingredients---so that you're not wasting money going from Walmart/Wegmans/Giant like I did....

-use vinegar (2 tablespoons/load) as the fabric softener (I know it sounds wierd), but it actually does a few things for you. It neutralizes any of those funky odors from towels and washclothes (ya know the smell--it's aweful). AND--it is cheaper than regular fabric softener! AND--it will keep the bar soap from clogging your pipes from soap scum build up. I've used it and it's great. I was hesitant the first few times because once the washer does the first spin cylce, it releases the vinegar (as it does softener) and it smells a little 'vinegary'. BUT--once the washer fills up with water and does it's rinse thing, the clothes come out fine! I usually hang my laundry out (again to save money AND because they smell so darn good!)

-I also cut my fabric softener sheets in half--and use them over and over again until there is nothing left to them! I use the sheets mostly for the smell--since I'm already using the vinegar....

-Use oxyclean if you feel that your whites aren't just quite white enough----a lot of people use it with regular detergent.

-If you have an HE or front loading machine, there are recipes on the tipnut--read through the comments and someone has one posted.

You will need:

-Borax
-Arm and Hammer WASHING soda (not baking soda--these are entirely two differnt things).
-And BAR soap (Ivory, Zote, Fels Naptha, Irish Sping, Zest)--no soap with oils!! (like Oil of Olay and Dove). Just pick one that you like the smell of--a lot of people use Fels Naptha (old time washboard soap) but I havn't found it anywhere around here. So, I use Irish Spring (yum!!)

The cost? About 6.00 for the above.....
How long will it last? about 1 month for 1 batch, for a family of 5, average of 9 loads of laundry/week, it ends up being about 40-50 loads/batch for the measly cost of 3.00/batch.

So--3.00 vs. 12 or 15 for yummy smelling Tide....

which will you choose?

Advantages: you can make it when you want to, no money spent on gas, no big plastic containers to recycle, you know what is in it--and just knowing you made it yourself.

Something Green

A friend recently told us about this super easy recipe to make our own laundry detergent. Not only does it work but it saves money! You can do 40-50 loads of laundry for $3! Get out! All it takes is Borax, Washing Soda and Soap!

A and I made up our first batch today. I have to say it was one of the first times in our marriage that I was truly sad to realize that we don't have enough dirty clothes to do laundry! ;-) I can't wait to try it out our new recipe! I guess A and I might just have to play outside some more, dirty our clothes, and well... wash them up! :-)

Going green!

PS: Band-aid Sticker

We've never had to use a Band-aid on our girl. Well, maybe once when I trimmed her nails too close to the skin when she was a wee-girl, and even then it was hard to put it on her finger. I have friends whose children love Band-aids so much that they go on their dolls, books, chairs, etc.

I thought yesterday would be the start of the Band-aid revolution, and that soon all of our stuffties would be sporting Band-aids as part of their regular attire. A pinched her finger in a door and I could tell that it REALLY hurt. Once we made sure all was okay, I thought having a Band-aid on it might help to alleviate extra pain when she'd touch things with her finger. I took her to the closet, explained that a Band-aid was kind of like a sticker, but it was to go on her finger to help it feel better. She knew right away that Band-aids in no way were supposed to go on our fingers! I could tell by her face, "Mama, really, how many times have we played with stickers; we don't wear them, silly!" So, she took the Band-aid and gently placed it on the floor. I figured if her finger was functioning well, we didn't really need the Band-aid anyway. So, off we went to play.

Well, since that incident, whenever A finds her sticker from the market, she walks it to the closet door and places it on the floor, right where she put the Band-aid sticker. She's so funny.

The things she learns

The other day we were reading a book to A about a car and a man named Sam. It was really sweet. She loved it! The one page read, "I love my car. I keep my car clean." A reached over my lap to touch the couch. She was moving her hand in a circular motion. Ah ha! She was cleaning the couch! It was so sweet.

Yesterday we went to playdate at a neighbor's house and the mom brought out dish towels for the girls to use for twirling and dancing. A looked at the towel she was handed and immediately began to clean the floor, couch, etc. I just had to laugh!

Can you tell part of our day always involves cleaning something? ;-)

HA

The Mirror to My Heart

We recently acquired an old dresser mirror from S’s family. The house it came from takes excellent care of everything in their home, so we didn’t give it a thought to clean the mirror. We brought it home, put it on display and went on with our lives.

Some days I would look at the mirror and think, “Wow, it sure is a shame that the mirror isn’t in better condition.” Just yesterday I was cleaning the house and I decided to clean the mirror. It wiped completely clean!! It was gorgeous! I just sat on the floor dumbfounded.

Isn’t it the same with sin? Sometimes we give into temptation, thinking it’s just how we are and not believing that the battle has already been won by what Christ accomplished on the cross. We are no longer slaves to sin. Temptation surrounds us daily but there is promised victory in Christ!

We believe that His death accomplished salvation for us, but we forget that it also achieved victory over sin. Sometimes I think we’re okay with being dirty mirrors. We’re used to things being a little cloudy and we’re not sure what it would be like to be shiny and clean. But hasn’t He called us clean? Hasn’t He washed us? For what? To bring Him glory and honor.

The other day I was looking forward to a planned family outing. I made a nice meal and then A and I went outside to wait for S to arrive. Minutes turned into a half hour and then an hour. And as the seconds ticked by, my frustrations grew greater and greater until I had to excuse myself, go into the kitchen and release all my frustration to the Lord. God is so good and was gracious to calm my spirit; I am confident that I had all I needed in that moment to live a godly life and to make wise decisions. But, I also kind of liked the other side. As much as I wanted to be forgiving and gracious to S, I also wanted him to know my disappointment.

John 3:19 says that men love darkness more than light. Unfortunately this is part of our reality with sin. We like darkness and still want a little piece of that action. It somehow feels right to participate in it. Well, for a moment. But, it’s not right and God calls us to a higher path.

Paul David Tripp says, “We are not free to handle difficulties in whatever way seems best to us. When we are wronged, the thing of highest importance is not that we feel satisfied or avenged, but that we respond according to God’s plan and for His glory.” (War of Words, 164). What a challenge. I need to be dealing with situations as a servant of the Most High.

S did not need to be reprimanded when he walked in the door. Grace would have been a little bit nicer and would have provided a much more comforting cover of his head from the troubles of the world. Not to mention, God was using Him in unique ways while I sat at home grumbling instead of considering what God was doing in my heart. And, He desired to carry it out to completion. I stopped just a little too soon. My vision was clouded by my frustration.

Not only do we need to respond redemptively to the big situations in life, but also the little day-to-day ones, too. 2 Peter 1:3-4 says, “His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.”

I want to offer my heart, my mouth, my thoughts, everything as instruments for righteousness. I really believe the mirror can be clean. I cling to that hope. And, I want to stop being okay with the dirt, the grime and the sin. Its hold on me has been broken in Christ! I want to live in that reality.

Thanks for being gracious, S. And, thanks for calling me to a higher standard when I delight in sin, especially when I try to excuse it.

First Words

These are some of A's first words:

Bob (Papa)
Mom (Mama)
She says her own name perfectly!!
Esss (Yes)
Nooo (No)
Nan (Banana)
App (Apple)
Boo (Book)

It's fun; she has a very sweet little voice. :-)

Bun Pun and Putting a Face on Postmodernism

So there I was sitting in class last night, not making a peep when "this" occurs. My professor was asking us some questions, in fun, about what we envisioned when we heard the word "librarian". People were telling stories of the librarians they knew growing up. You know, the classic glasses-low-on-nose, "SHHHH-kind of librarians". We were all laughing because we could all think of such examples. That was until this came out of her mouth . . . ;-)

She said, "The classic librarian you picture is probably meek and mild, going into the profession to be sequestered in a little space, wearing a bun and glasses." As the words rolled off her tongue, it was almost as if we all realized I was that person. I was wearing a bun, had glasses on, and was meek and mild! LOL Oh my goodness; it was quite hilarious. Although no one made a peep, I was bursting inside with laughter!

The funniest thing about it was just that morning I had said to S how I was thinking about cutting my hair and he said he loves when I wear it in a bun. So, upon hearing this funny story, he took full responsibility. ha

On a more serious note, I'm grateful for the experience of being exposed to the thoughts and perspectives that exist in the Postmodern world. It's been neat to put a face on it and learn more about the beliefs that prevail in our culture. Postmodernism seems so accepting, agreeable, and popular. And as much as all ways of thinking are deemed "acceptable", claiming exclusivity to one way is an entirely different story. What a unique setting today to communicate exclusive claims from a holy God.

Minutes, Half Hour, Gone

I need to go prep dinner and do some schoolwork, but figure the best way to not get so behind on here is to actually write from time to time.

A has been doing so well in her big bed!! We’re so proud of her! Time has just placed this toddler before us. She has preferences, thoughts, and perspectives. She is such an individual and yet so like us, too.

I took a photo of A today outside and with her hair all pulled back, and her head and expression looked just like she did in a picture when she was about 7 months old. It was precious to have a gift like that arrive this morning in our front yard. I don’t ever desire to go back in time, but I love being reminded of her younger days. Each year and stage is so unique and a tremendous blessing.

Another detail I’m so thrilled about is that we seem to have an answer! Since A was a small baby, she’s always had chronic stomach pains. They’ve gotten increasingly worse over time, sometimes lasting for days, with many tears along the way. No one seemed terribly alarmed by these pains, but more recently they became rather difficult for all of us to watch. If there is a solution to a problem, should we not seek it? We sensed there was a solution and began praying for wisdom to know what it was. Of course, all along S had an idea of what it could be. Let it me known, he is right 99.8% of the time. ;-)

I finally called the pediatrician again and they agreed with us that she might be lactose intolerant. We’re taking a week off dairy and if that doesn’t help, we’ll keep looking for other causes. It’s pleasant to be going somewhere instead of saying at the same place.

~~Another thing we’re considering these days is homeschooling. It’s been on my heart for a long time, but I honestly never really felt equipped or qualified. A dear friend, though, often encourages me that our wisdom comes from Lord and I need to spend less time searching for all the answers and more time listening to Him. I don’t have to have all the information in my head right now. God can prepare and equip me and by His strength and leading, I can do whatever He places before me.

Why homeschooling? Well, we sense that A will be a very self-disciplined and motivated individual, and she’s also very good at keeping herself occupied creatively. She’s also a very good listener and has a great attention to details. Above all this, though, we’ve seen many tremendous examples of families who homeschool,\ and we sense that it might be a very good fit for our family. We echo the pros and cons Jodi has shared in her blog on homeschooling (http://theyoungpages.com/jodis_blog/), and we are keeping similar lists in our heads and home. We’ll continue to pray for wisdom and trust that God will faithfully guide.

I’ve always known that our family will be very close and dear to each other. I just didn’t realize it might entail spending every day at home with my girl. ;-) A fire has burst in my heart to consider this new possibility! I would love it. God creates us specifically and specially tailored for how He will use us, and if this is one way He’ll use me, I will gladly accept.

Growing Up

We've been thinking recently that A might be ready for a toddler bed. We simultaneously found an amazing deal and a local family delivered it to our house today. YEY craigslist!

We just put A down for the night and she splendidly well. We prayed together, placed her in bed, covered her up, and walked towards the door. As I looked back, I saw this big girl laying there, covered up with her blanket, looking dearly back at us. She looked so much older! Gone are crib days forever. She's in a big girl bed. It was bittersweet.

All day long I could not wait to make the bed, introduce her to it, get excited, etc. And, the moment we took the crib down I just wanted to cry. ;-) Oh, the life of a mom. S is such a wonderful balance for me. :-)

So, here we are in the quiet of the evening with our big girl dreaming on her new bed in the next room. Sleep tight, love!

Dust

I'm an Israelite. I’ve complained against the Lord in the heat of the desert. If it weren’t so hot and if the wind was not in my face, I would have a better perspective and be fine. Why is the desert essential to growth? Does God really allow us to walk through the desert to glorify Him?

You may recall the end of the story: the Israelites put their trust and hope in the power of the Lord and the truth of His Word. They realized that He was in control the entire time. It must have been a little embarrassing for them, humbling at the least. Isn’t the same true for us? Why did I fret? Why did I get so angry at you and others, Lord, when really, it was all for my good? Ultimately, it was all for Your glory, Lord.

God is faithful and rules sovereignly over ALL our trials; He governs and orders them. Do you believe that? Could it possibly be true? Why would He bring something so painful and difficult into our lives? So that in the end, when it is all said and done, we will fear Him and put our trust in Him. Strong words, but true. I assure you of this. God is holy and wants us to be holy and it just so happens that circumstances are one way to draw us closer to Him and holiness. And, sometimes these circumstances appear to us as too much to bear.

I once faced a very difficult situation and had to face much of it alone. Although not many people audibly heard my complaints, I can say with honesty that they existed in my heart. Tears flowed inside me. Why, Lord? Why this? Why now? What at all? It was extremely difficult to understand, let alone to aim to trust Him through it. Yet, in God's great mercy and love, He remained faithful to me when I was faithless. And, the end result continues to be something beautiful, not outward, but deep and lasting within.

I’ve seen fruit of the trial. I’ve seen His goodness, and even if I never see the ultimate answers to some questions, I trust Him. And, I saw it again tonight. How kind of Him to show me through a friend that He continues to use what I saw as darkness to bring light to others. HE uses the trial, which He brought into my life, so He might be glorified and others might grow in holiness.

Our God has a history that is worth studying. He has a way in which He cares for His people, and He is committed to continue to declare His fame both on His own, and through our lives. How blessed we are to be a part of that!

So, the sand, the heat, the wind and dust are okay, as long as I know He governs it all.

Weekend Away

We're getting ready to meet up with my roommates from college and their families for the weekend. We've all rented cabins at a campground. I am so looking forward to it! We're the kind of friends that just pick up where we left off, so it always goes smoothly when we're together.

It will be especially nice for all of our kids to get to know each other better. We're hoping this is something we can continue each year.

So, I'm off to pack, pray, and trusting the Lord for a great time of catching up, sharing, and growing together. :-)

Sunday Morning

My heart was overflowing with gratitude this morning at church. I am thankful to be in a place where truth is preached unashamedly, and hearts are impacted by the Word of God.

As I looked around the sanctuary, it seemed that everywhere I turned, I knew personally of those around me. We’ve shared in Bible Study together, in prayer, over dinner, or in the lobby. We’ve gotten to know each others’ names and stories. We’ve encouraged one another in our spiritual growth.

I’ve met godly women who walk in truth and desire the same for others. I’ve seen them live out the word of God unashamedly, yet gently and graciously. I’ve shared tears with those struggling, and joy with those rejoicing.

Most importantly, the Word of God is shared boldly and accurately. I’m thankful for a Pastor that truly loves his flock and shepherds us. And, he's not afraid to share the things that could be offensive to the world around us because it's what God wants us to know in His Word.

I am thankful for people being willing to share their weaknesses and personal struggles, and that I in-turn can be transparent and expose areas of sin in my own life. I’m thankful that Adah will grow up among such a wonderful spiritual family.

S and I have seen what the church can be, and we are so thankful to be here.

Don't Waste Your Time

When you're tempted to worry, pray. I was challenged by this concept a few months back when reading Running Scared by Ed Welch. The book is filled with incredible wisdom and insight, and I highly recommend it if you’re struggling with fear or anxiety, or even simply trusting God.

Worry wastes time. It immeasurably robs us of precious moments we can spend praying and thanking the Lord for His provision. It draws our eyes away from what is true. It captivates us to spend our time dwelling on things that really are already taken care of by a Sovereign God.

Last week, S was in a car accident on the way to work. He was completely fine, but our car was totaled. We knew that we did not have the funds to purchase a new vehicle. But, we decided to pray and trust the Lord. He knew about the accident. He knew of our need. He knew the questions of our hearts. And, He is so faithful!

Before the end of his workday, the Center where S works offered him a new position with a raise. Wow. How foolish it would have been to spend the whole morning worrying when God had gone before us and worked everything out. He cares faithfully for the birds of the air, and He cares faithfully and tenderly for His children.

Our trust is not in the hope of a new position or higher income. Our trust is in the God who knows our needs and provides for us as individuals, and for us as a family. Our trust is that the righteous will never be forsaken. We are never alone. God sees and knows all things. We are never removed from His sight and His love and care for us is beyond measure.

Today, we’re trying to search for a replacement car. The temptation to worry is back… I must act fast; someone else could buy this car, etc. S reminded me, “If the car is the one God is providing for us, we don’t have to worry. It will be there.” Sigh. Thank you, God! If I look back, I recall countless times when this has been true in our lives. We really can leave things in His hands! God is far more attentive to detail than we are, and far more able than we are to accomplish the things that will bring Him honor.

I often say I’m like James in the Bible. I look in the mirror and forget what I’ve seen/learned within hours, even minutes. God is so gentle to show me again.

When I sense the temptation to worry, I pray instead. The weight is lifted completely and the control is removed from my hands and placed into His. What a better place for it to be!

I pray for His glory and His fame in all circumstances—even if circumstances conflict with my personal preference. He can be trusted!

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases.”

Strands of Grey

I want to grow in wisdom; I want to be grey. With each new strand that arrives on my head, I know it has come with more things learned. I rejoice. I want to learn more and grow in grace.

Welcome to the blog!

J

The Deceit of Anger

We all get angry. Things upset us. We are easily frustrated when days do not go according to plan. I see this in Adah when she can’t get a toy to perform the way she desires or when a piece just will not fit in her puzzle. Annoyance. Frustration. Such occurrences are part of our daily lives.

The Bible draws a great deal of attention to anger. Some anger is righteous and some is unrighteous. More than often, ours is unrighteous because we are sinners. My question is this: what do we do with anger? What happens if it grows? What do we do when frustration at a puzzle turns into a puzzle piece flying across the room? How do we respond?

The other day, our phone had no dial tone. And, we had no computer. Our car was having trouble. I was a little annoyed. There was a moment I felt like Adah, and I just wanted to throw something across the room. What was going on in my heart?

Let’s face it: whether big or small instances, we all get angry. It is moments like this when I say to Adah in her trial, “Love, we do not throw our toys. Many people put time and energy into making these for us. We need to be considerate and respectful of our toys. I understand you’re angry. Sometimes it’s hard when our toys don’t do what we want them to, but that’s ok. That’s why we keep trying and be patient. Let’s ask Jesus to help us be patient in this situation. Let’s confess we’re angry and want to act in a way that will honor Him. Let’s ask for His help.”

God similarly reminded my heart of this when I was angry at our situation. I needed His help, and praise God that His grace is so good, so gentle and abounding. He truly does provide an escape from sin, as we seek and submit ourselves to Him.

I know what you’re thinking: “Jocelyn, if that the height of your anger issues, you’ve got it easy.” Ha. The point is not who has faced more that entitles one to anger. The beauty of this message is this: the Bible assures us that there’s a way out; we don’t need to live a life of anger and bitterness. God calls us to so much more. Grace and peace can be prominent in our trials. We can trust in a God who is in control even when nothing seems to be in our lives.

It’s easy to feel like God is far from us when we struggle. Does he really care that my phone has no dial tone? If I believe He controls and governs all things, I should seek Him for what He may be trying to teach me through the trial. Furthermore, how can I honor Him through it? When I get to the root of my anger, it is often grounded in fear and lack of confidence in God’s ability to handle the situation. Don’t be deceived to think that all anger is justified, or even that if it’s “justified” we’re supposed to remain in it. Don’t believe the lie that it entitles us to treat objects, or more importantly individuals poorly or disrespectfully. This is not love and such actions (which originate in the heart) grieve the Holy Spirit. We need to confess such things and receive forgiveness. God is faithful to forgive and purify us. (1 John 1:9)

I don’t want sin to take root in my heart, or in the hearts of my family. In the moment it peaks, we want to seek Christ for help to turn to Him in obedience. We want to put aside anger and be renewed in the knowledge of Christ. God is teaching us endurance through trials, and that’s what we love to sing of together: God is faithful in all things. Trials are purposeful and lead to wisdom. How foolish we would be to miss this by letting anger have its way. God desires that we give thanks in everything and that we do it all without grumbling or complaining. How do we do this: by His grace and through His strength. We can’t do it on our own. We need Him so desperately. Thank you, God! You are so very good to us!

“But now put away and rid yourselves [completely] of all these things: anger, rage, bad feeling toward others, curses and slander, and foulmouthed abuse and shameful utterances from your lips. Clothe yourselves therefore, as God's own chosen ones (His own picked representatives), [who are] purified and holy and well-beloved [by God Himself, by putting on behavior marked by] tenderhearted pity and mercy, kind feeling, a lowly opinion of yourselves, gentle ways, [and] patience [which is tireless and long-suffering, and has the power to endure whatever comes, with good temper]. Be gentle and forbearing with one another and, if one has a difference (a grievance or complaint) against another, readily pardoning each other; even as the Lord has [freely] forgiven you, so must you also [forgive]. And above all these [put on] love and enfold yourselves with the bond of perfectness [which binds everything together completely in ideal harmony]. And let the peace (soul harmony which comes) from Christ rule (act as umpire continually) in your hearts [deciding and settling with finality all questions that arise in your minds, in that peaceful state] to which as [members of Christ's] one body you were also called [to live]. And be thankful (appreciative), [giving praise to God always]. Let the word [spoken by] Christ (the Messiah) have its home [in your hearts and minds] and dwell in you in [all its] richness, as you teach and admonish and train one another in all insight and intelligence and wisdom [in spiritual things, and as you sing] psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, making melody to God with [His] grace in your hearts. And whatever you do [no matter what it is] in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus and in [dependence upon] His Person, giving praise to God the Father through Him.”~Colossians 3:8, 12-17 (Amplified Bible)

Without Blemish

While outside last evening, I noticed newly acquired scratches on Adah’s skin. Now that she’s outside playing all the time, she’s more prone to get hurt by the elements of nature. It was almost hard to believe that her perfect little skin now had blemishes.

Today while out walking, I noticed her skin again and my mind quickly turned to the condition of Adah’s heart, of my heart, and of the hearts of all humanity. We are all full of scrapes and bruises deep down inside.

It’s difficult sometimes, in the midst of a culture that defines sin as something “bad”, or something that brings harm to oneself or another person, to consider sin being in our hearts. It’s often seen as an action that leads to a negative consequence. Just the other day, Adah and I were at the playground when some elementary age children came out to play. The one child said to the other, “You are a cheater; you will NEVER be a good person!” Ouch. That could hurt. But, the truth is none of us are good people; there is none righteous. We are all cheaters, liars, adulterers, etc. We are all sinners and it’s not about which sin we struggle with – it’s the fact that we are sinners. It’s about the condition of our hearts.

Even when Adah was born, we knew her heart was sinful. That’s what Scripture teaches and that’s been affirmed in her actions. We often tell her, “Honey, we know it’s hard to choose right. We have the same struggles. That’s why we need Jesus’ help.”

In order to appreciate the cross, I think we have to accept the debt of our sin. When I look upon the face of Jesus upon the cross at Gethsemane, I see myself and what I deserved. When I see Him disfigured and in agony because of separation from His Father, I know He did that for me. “The debt was so great, that while man alone owed it, only God could pay it.” (Anselm) He paid my ransom and yours.

I’m just astounded that only Jesus’ perfect, sinless life could pay the debt for our sin. We could never come close to being able to pay that debt.

I love this quote by Sinclair Ferguson: “The cross is the heart of the gospel; it makes the good news the good news. Christ died for us; He stood in our place before God’s judgment seat; He has borne our sins. God has done something on the cross which we could never do for ourselves. But God does something to us as well for us through the cross. He persuades us that He loves us.”

So, here we are , scrapes and bruises, yet fully redeemed, cleansed, and forgiven when we trust in Christ paying the price for our sin.

I’m ok with imperfections—with the nature that exists in me—because it reminds me how much I need Him.