Wednesday, September 12, 2012

September 02 Archive


Two weeks ago, my parents went away for a vacation in Maine.  It was the first time in my life that I did not go with them.  At first, I was rather disappointed... to realize that something so routine and constant was ending.  But, the Lord used it as a real blessing in my life.

There is something wonderful about a quiet house.  It is beautiful and refreshing.  I used to find a quiet house unsettling.  I dreaded being alone.  But, in times such as these, silence can be a true haven.  So, when it came, I embraced it… I grabbed hold of it tightly and sighed.

I breathed deep for a week and a half.  The air seemed sweater, clearer, and more refreshing.  I do not mean to sound as if I did not miss my parents, but I think we all needed that time apart.  I could tell that was true when dad came home refreshed.

Upon arriving home, dad told me that mom had five seizures in Maine.  She had not had them for months up to that point.  It surprised me that so many occurred while they were away.  But, dad seemed to handle it all well. 

The day mom and dad came home, I greeted them at the door.  Mom said, “Oh, you are home.  Where have you been all this time?”  I am not sure she remembered where she had been.  There are moments when it appears mom is lost in a game of hide and seek with her own mind.  I wish I could shout above her thoughts and bring her back to me.  But, the game has become her world. 

The house is now busy again.  Sounds fill each room.  Sometimes I just feel like crying when I see mom struggling.  Like when she does not know how to take her socks off, or when her words can not come out; but I know she is thinking deep down within.  I know she is still there and I must cherish her always.

My favorite moments now are when I make mom laugh, or when she tells me I am her beautiful turtle.  I also love when she asks about S and tells me how much she likes him.  And, my sweetest moment of all is crawling into her bed just before I go to my room at night. I smell her sweet scent and give her a hug and kiss.  We laugh together and wish each other sweet dreams… just like she used to say to me when I was little.

This morning in church, mom saw a casual friend and said, “And who are you?”  It was the first time this has happened.  I am only beginning to touch the surface of what this will mean to our family in the distant future.

The truth of the matter is that regardless of what happens each day, there is a great peace beneath all the pain.  This weekend I was reminded that the goal of our experience is not so much to reach a destination with all the answers, but rather to learn and grow in the midst of our experience.  I leave you with the following lyrics from Sara Groves:

         “I feel You here and You are picking up the pieces, forever faithful.
          It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation.  You are able.
         And in Your hands, the pain and hurt look less like scars and more like   character.”

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