Essential for Marriage

Just after we were engaged, I began to search for books on marriage. And although we read many, I can honestly say that the one I now recommend to all couples above any other is one S gave me a few weeks ago. It’s called, “When Sinners Say ‘I Do’: Discovering the Power of the Gospel for Marriage” by Dave Harvey. It is the most candid, thorough, deliberate, and gospel-centered book I’ve ever read on this topic.

Some marriage books give neat little suggestions, address how to deal with conflict, talk about sex, and give little bits of information to the husband and wife. But, this is the first book I’ve read that puts the Gospel at the center of two sinners in marriage. Because, let’s face it: that’s who we are.

Prior to marriage, tucked away in the privacy of my own bedroom, it all seemed quite doable. When I had that time to myself and quiet, I had all the patience and love in the world! So what happens to all that love, grace, and patience? The truth of the matter is that our marriage shouldn’t just be based on how much love we think we have, our commitment to each other, or even the vows we have made. Because even those can be broken. Marriage needs to be focused on the truth of God’s Word which never fails and never changes.

God designed marriage for His glory, and I’m thankful that in that plan He also made it for our good. And, it is good! I love being married to S! Every night before I fall off to sleep, I stare at him sleeping and thank the Lord for the gift I have in Him. I know that God joined us together for His glory, and it’s amazing to me that He has used our own sinfulness to draw us closer to Himself and each other. Things that could have destroyed us, things that could have driven a deep nail of bitterness have brought forth repentance, forgiveness, joy, and intimacy. God is so good and kind to us. We’ve come to rejoice that it is “His kindness that leads to repentance”, and His love that brings forgiveness. It is only through His Word, example, and grace that we can understand forgiveness and offer it to each other.

We’re not afraid of sin anymore because we realize that it is sin that leads us to the cross. It is there that we find grace and forgiveness. In Christ, we’ve been forgiven much! His kindness is immeasurable! I’m amazed at how differently I look at others when I view them through the eyes of mercy. Christ looked upon me in all my sin and chose to forgive me. Although I do it often, I don’t desire to be the man in Matthew who was forgiven much and then did not forgive. What an awful place to be! I want to see my sin, my debt, my need, and HIS grace when I look at S. I want to see Him through the love Christ has shown me.

Must go for now, but seriously, check out the book! It will touch all the areas that no one else touches, and those places we don’t often talk about. And, it will point you to the Gospel of grace, which we all need.