The Sign

There’s a big sign outside our window, and outside A’s window, and out on the fence that is so very distracting to me not only visually, but emotionally for some reason. “FOR RENT”. There it is in big, bold letters, drawing noise and attention to our quiet, little apartment. Feet come walking through our home, seeing our pens, cups, toothbrushes, bedspreads, books… things. Walking into our world… strangers.

Why does it bother me so? I love walking through other people’s homes. I find it so very interesting to see what they have inside their walls. In fact, I’m often the one walking down the street, peeking past curtain-views when the sun is beginning to fade and lights turn on. I love to see how people live. Perhaps that’s why it bothers me so; I don’t like strangers walking through our little home.

Deeper than this, though, is the change of it all. I’ve always had a hard time with change. A new walkway, place to park the car, door, windows, kitchen drawers, where we place the computer. Actually, the newness doesn’t bother me as much as leaving the oldness. And, once I’m gone I’m always fine, but it is the anticipation of the going when I miss what will be the “old”. I always get homesick while still in a place, and once I’m gone I’m completely fine. It’s like my process of grieving. In actuality, this makes a lot of sense because I’ve grieved my mom leaving this world while she is still very much alive. It’s the nature of her disease. And sometimes it becomes the nature of how I process things, even though I’ve done this long before she was ever sick.

So off we go, packing boxes, pulling out markers and writing directions, saying goodbye to our little home this past year. I’m homesick for it, and yet I am very excited for step two. God is SO kind to have provided us with this new place! It is just wonderful! I'll blog about that another day... this morning, I was so distracted by the big sign. LOL