Something Lost, Something Gained

As each year passes, Christmas seems to change a bit in my heart and in our family. Perhaps it's the loosening of my grip on sentimentality of Christmas past. If it were up to me, I would cling tightly to the giddiness of Christmas Eve, to the new dress and doing up of hair, to the waking up early to unwrap treasures, to the packing up to visit family. I'd hold onto the dreaming and anticipation of what I would be receiving for Christmas. The eager expectation of what was to come. But what I've come to realize is that I actually had it all wrong.

I think we all seek to be pleased, to be happy, to get what we really want. I've written on that before so I won't go on too lengthily. But, my excitement of Christmas was really wrapped up all in me. My giddiness and anticipation, my dreaming and longing was all absorbed in what I would "get" for me. It was about what could be gained for myself.

This has been a slow progression of learning, but I think the first time this started to sink in was about 6 years ago when I lived at home with my dad and he forgot my birthday. I waited all day thinking that he would remember, but slowly realized that he probably forgot amidst all the responsibility in caring for Mom. At the close of dinner that evening, I looked up at him with tears in my eyes and said, "Dad, it's my birthday today." He truly felt sorry and tried to cheer me up and bought me a beautiful cake the next day, but I remember it all hurting so deeply. I remember feeling completely forgotten by both my parents. I had to try hard not to cry to S on the phone that night, so as not to appear petty. I was old enough to not need a cake and presents, right? Yet, I remember gaining such wealth from the pain of being forgotten. Perhaps it wasn't really about me getting. Did a birthday really require a celebration or gift? There was reason to reflect and celebrate but it certainly didn't demand a cake and icing. My treasure was not to be found in a present that I would soon forget. My true treasure could only be found and rooted in Christ.

So my passion and longing for Christ has deepened through the years. And, I suppose my enthusiasm for "the getting" has lessened a bit. I'm challenged to examine where I find my identity and worth. Is it in how I'm remembered or thought of? Is it it what I am given? Or is it in my identification as a child of God, freely and graciously forgiven by the Great High Priest, the One and Only true God? Astounding. I am precious to Him when others may fail or forget me.

This year, A and I worked on a Jesse Tree (http://www.rca.org/Page.aspx?&pid=1602&srcid=1600) for the season of Advent, and I am humbled and thankful at all that we learned and were reminded of about our Great Savior. It is one of the first years in which I truly anticipated the Savior's birth as we read Scripture after Scripture pointing to His great plan of salvation! (Next year, we plan to do a Jesus or Bethlehem Tree (http://www.desiringgod.org/Blog/2137_jesus_tree/ for a similar idea, yet a little different) as a family.

Consequently, S and I began to ponder our Christmas traditions this year -- why we do what we do and all that. Perhaps we'll re-write our up-coming traditions, tweak them a tad, so we can more adequately remember and focus our hearts on Him each year. Not a doing thing, but a heart thing -- to remember Him, to love Him, to look upon Him with irrevocable gratitude and love. For His grace and mercy know no end. His choosing us is no mistake. And we are so precious to Him. How precious, how cherished, how immeasurable we desire our love to be for Him! This is the gift we desire to bring Him each year. And how wonderful to know that in Christ, we've received all that we ever truly need.