What's To Come

We’ve often thought this is how it might end. We’ve heard so many instances of Alzheimer’s patients’ coming down with a bad cold and in the course of it, they forget how to swallow. They stop eating. Mom’s last full meal was on Friday. Since then, she’s had about 8 oz. of a liquid or puree’ each day.

As much as you think you are ready for something like this, especially when it’s tarried so long, you never are. And, as much and often as I pray, “Jesus, take her Home…” I want to continue to see her face, to touch her hands, to see her eyes.

Today she was so thin. She’s lost 10 pounds. Her face is lean. Her movements are diverse and less predictable. She is often extending her arms, as if she’s reaching for something. How I’d love to climb right in and hold each other through this.

We all gathered there today around her. When I look at her, it’s a mixture of emotion. First, it’s the reality of her struggling, of her frailty. Then, I’m flooded with memories – beautiful memories of her.

But, the greatest beauty in all of this all is the marriage of my parents and how deeply they love each other and cling to each other.

When I saw my Dad’s persistence defeated as Mom would not eat, my heart broke. I saw his fear, his concern, and him stepping into the reality of “this could really be it”. The Lord showed such compassion in that moment by helping her swallow about 8 oz. of applesauce. Such grace and kindness to us today! He is a living God! He worked mightily in that moment to strengthen and encourage!

Once my Mom was changed and back in bed, my Dad stroked her cheek so tenderly. Her trembling body settles when he touches her face. She tastes such peace with his hands. He settles her, just like she used to settle us when we were upset. Like she would comb through my hair with her fingers or touch my face gently, and let me lie on her lap till I was settled. I love how our family provides this for each other.

I've never seen love displayed so tenderly and powerfully as when I watch my parents. My Dad extends it freely and my Mom receives it so well. She has always clung to him to tightly and beautifully. I understand why they don't want to let go of each other.

My Mom loves A’s voice. I can talk till I’m blue in the face, sometimes without her opening her eyes, but when she hears A’s voice, she brightens. My sweet girl told Mom how Jesus is always with her, even when we are not. And, how we've been praying for her. And, she proceeded to tell her stories about her favorite instruments and toys, and things she loves to do. It was adorable, and my Mom opened her eyes and listened the entire time A spoke. It was a tremendous blessing! So satisfying!

She also turned slightly toward me as I shared some of my precious memories of her – of cookies and cinnamon rolls and strawberries and shopping. I KNOW she heard me. I felt so content and satisfied having spent the day there with her. How I miss her! How thankful I am for my daughter! I was praying for contentment in my heart this morning and my heart is so content, so blessed.

It’s so odd to have such mixture of emotions. To want someone to be with the Lord so badly so the trembling and hunger and tarrying can cease. But, then wanting to stay in her room for days and weeks just talking to her about everything and anything I can think of – to get all my talking out so that I will never feel like I haven’t said enough or all that I wanted to.

He is my Comforter. I sense His presence so near and see all the more the reality of my future in Him. My hope is secure!

I remember my Mom telling me several times throughout life, when she was having a tough day, “I’m so ready for Heaven!” I can see it in her face now. I know she is ready, and she has nothing at all to fear. She knows the One who is taking her there. She’s ready.

I know that in these years of great suffering for my Mom, He has ministered to her like no other. He has comforted her beyond measure. I sense this comfort now myself. He is a living God! A merciful and gracious God! A redeeming God! A restoring God!

I’ve been reading through John 14 – on the wonderful place He’s prepared for those who have trusted in Christ.

“Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me. There is more than enough room in my Father’s home. If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am. And you know the way to where I am going.”

“No, we don’t know, Lord,” Thomas said. “We have no idea where you are going, so how can we know the way?”

Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me. If you had really known me, you would know who my Father is. From now on, you do know him and have seen him!”

Philip said, “Lord, show us the Father, and we will be satisfied.”

Jesus replied, “Have I been with you all this time, Philip, and yet you still don’t know who I am? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father! So why are you asking me to show him to you? Don’t you believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me? The words I speak are not my own, but my Father who lives in me does his work through me. Just believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me. Or at least believe because of the work you have seen me do.

“I tell you the truth, anyone who believes in me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works, because I am going to be with the Father. You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father. Yes, ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it!

“If you love me, obey my commandments. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate, who will never leave you. He is the Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth. The world cannot receive him, because it isn’t looking for him and doesn’t recognize him. But you know him, because he lives with you now and later will be in you. No, I will not abandon you as orphans—I will come to you. Soon the world will no longer see me, but you will see me. Since I live, you also will live. When I am raised to life again, you will know that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. Those who accept my commandments and obey them are the ones who love me. And because they love me, my Father will love them. And I will love them and reveal myself to each of them.”

Judas (not Judas Iscariot, but the other disciple with that name) said to him, “Lord, why are you going to reveal yourself only to us and not to the world at large?”

Jesus replied, “All who love me will do what I say. My Father will love them, and we will come and make our home with each of them. Anyone who doesn’t love me will not obey me. And remember, my words are not my own. What I am telling you is from the Father who sent me. I am telling you these things now while I am still with you. But when the Father sends the Advocate as my representative—that is, the Holy Spirit—he will teach you everything and will remind you of everything I have told you.

“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid. Remember what I told you: I am going away, but I will come back to you again. If you really loved me, you would be happy that I am going to the Father, who is greater than I am. I have told you these things before they happen so that when they do happen, you will believe.

“I don’t have much more time to talk to you, because the ruler of this world approaches. He has no power over me, but I will do what the Father requires of me, so that the world will know that I love the Father. Come, let’s be going."