Hope Through Tears

It’s amazing the wide range of emotions and circumstances’ tears can span. While S has been away this past week, I think I have cried more than in my entire life. And it wasn’t simply because I was homesick for him, though I was, but it was because the Lord brought so many unique circumstances into my week to refine my faith in Him.

I began to wonder what was going on with our girl when she became very testy and was having trouble sleeping. Naps vanished from our routine and she was up for at least three hours a night. I had almost no moment to myself each day. What a challenge to not have S here to help me in such moments. There were times I just sobbed by A’s door, praying for her to go back to sleep, trying to gather just an ounce more of strength to help her through another night/day.

Though challenging, I’ve often found that the Lord wakes me up during the night for divine purposes… often to bring something to light—a sin or area I need to look at, or to pray for others. There is always a purpose. So this week, I had to seek that out—to see what I could be doing in those times when He had me awake. And, perhaps one of those purposes was simply to display love for my girl who ended up having an eye and ear infection. Perhaps it was just to care for her and display faithfulness and tenderness.

To me, the call to obedience seems almost do-able when I am fed, alert, and healthy. But, in the middle of the night, all my theology faces a screeching holt and I am faced with the question: Do you believe it enough now to place your trust in Me? Do you believe it enough to hold on to truth in this trial? Will you trust Me through it? Will you trust I am still in control? Will you cling to Me and My Word?

It is choosing to trust that He is in control and is good. He is faithful whatever should occur. And He does provide the grace and strength we need. My span of tears was great, but He has covered me with such grace and strength! How I rejoice that my life is hidden in Him!